It’s been a labor of love, sweat, tears, heartbreak, and complete surrender, but it is finally time to birth this baby!
Over 3 years ago I felt the gentle twinges of early labor. The excitement, the inspiration, bubbled up inside me and I stepped courageously into the fire of MotherFly. But scarcely a month in, I fell into what would become a 3-year dance with the Shadow.
I called her by various names—Postpartum Depression, Midlife Crisis, Dark Night of the Soul, Peri-Menopause, or simply The Shadow.
Each time thinking I had “figured it out”.
I dug deep, I slayed dragons.
With the help of my midwife, I built maps to guide me back to shore, as wave upon wave crashed over me. Just like my first birth with Nehama, I had a premature urge to push. Over and over again.
But I wasn’t ready. I hadn’t opened enough.
I had to learn more compassion. I had to pierce through all the layers of judgment to touch and hold my tender core with love. I had to search relentlessly for the bones of my resilience, and unearth them even when I felt hopeless. Even when I wanted nothing but eternal sleep.
I walked this postpartum labyrinth, sometimes limping in an exhausted daze, sometimes dancing through the twists and turns with wild abandon and delight.
The unexpected euphoric pauses between waves of pain and confusion fueled my spirit to push on.
There was no other choice. MotherFly would be born. This "baby" is a force larger than me and would require nothing less than the dissolution of anything other than my authentic self.
At every gate, I was asked to let go of something.
And with each passage, I grew stronger, wiser, more resilient. More open.
The driving force to move on was not only to heal myself, but my innate desire to serve you, mothers. We are the leaders, the healers, the bearers of life. I knew there had to be a better way.
My midwife’s gentle presence guided me to my tools time and time again and taught me to accept new allies, even when this terrified me.
And now is the time. This last phase--the chrysalis of quarantine--has gifted me with the pause necessary to take deep breaths, go inward, and find the strength to push this baby out. And so here she is, bursting from the depths…