I Am Enough



As I lie in the dark, in a heap
my spirit longs to be dancing with sisters
but my body calls me to sleep.
Exhausted from 1000 nights of nursing—
newborns, babies, toddlers--
pulling at my breast,
tugging for attention,
sucking out my essence.

Exhausted from the nearly 1000 souls
I’ve helped to usher into this world--
in the night, in the day, 
at the break of dawn, at the midnight hour--
often with my own babies strapped on me.

Rubbing backs, holding hands, wiping sweat,
whispering words of encouragement
always holding the intention that they 
are greeted with love.

My neck and back ache 
from twisting and lifting,
from the countless times, 
I’ve carried and held 
this weight of being the lone warrior
of needing to hold it all, 
do it all, 
be it all.

As I lie awake, trying to let go
so my muscles can exhale
the pain, the guilt, the shame
of this sense
that I don’t belong,
that somehow I’m wrong
if I can’t hold it all
and smile the brave smile that says
“I’ve got this!”
If instead, I collapse in a puddle 
of tears on the floor.

Exhausted from the exertion 
of pushing against this natural ebb
instead of going with a flow
that says: “Shhh….slow...
this time is a gift"

I lie naked 
in the dark
by the fire
in the womb
and sweat 
and renew 
and emerge
with the full-body knowing 
I am enough

Despite the myriad 
of messages I receive
from society
from the media
from the voices in my own head--
that say
The quiet strength of my own
deep truth shouts back 
fiercely, “I am enough!”

I am enough even when there’s more to do,
I am enough when I feel weak,
I am enough when I need support,
I am enough when I make mistakes,
Simply and truthfully
I am enough.

As this knowing resonates in my body
soaks into flesh and bone
trickling into every cell
I feel the heavy cloak of
thousands of years of cultural programming 
fall to my feet.

A radiance begins to seep 
into every nook and cranny of my being.
A radiance to fill those dark, murky places
that were stripped from my soul,
cast out like forgotten children.

A radiance that turns toward these children
scoops them into her open arms
clutches them to her heart,
with a promise that she will 
never push them away.

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