We are finally here. The last day of 2020.
A year ago today I was living in Miami and visiting The Farm in Tennessee. I was visioning a year of profound shifts.
But not the kind that actually unfolded. Today I am visiting Miami and living in Tennessee, appreciating Miami with new perspective.
The year has brought unimaginable change, some good, some bad, some just plain ugly.
I think most of us are eager to say good-bye to 2020. As if we could tuck it neatly inside a box and pack it away for storage.
Despite the promises of light at the end of this Covid tunnel, the reality is that it is still a long road before we get back to “normal”, and in case normal seems seductively enticing let’s remember what normal means for mothers.
1 out of 7 mothers experience perinatal mood disorder, making it the most common complication of pregnancy. (I’m sure these numbers have gone up)
Maternal suicide is a leading cause of death.
Despite the U.S. spending more money on maternity care than any other nation, we are the only industrialized nation with a rising maternal mortality rate.
Black mothers and babies are dying at disproportional rates to white women.
So at the turn of the year, the question is: do we want to return to normal?
And as Dr. Howard Haggard, the director of Applied Physiology at Yale University said in 1929,
“The position of woman in any civilization is the index of the advancement of that civilization. The position of woman is best gauged by the care given to her at the birth of her child.”
Yep. It was recognized almost 100 years ago (by a man) that maternal wellness is an indicator of societal wellness.
Motherhood is in a state of crisis.
As we have grown more aware as a nation of the long shadow of inequity and injustice that has been cast by slavery, systemic racism and misogyny, an opportunity arises to change it.
Awareness is the first step in the process of transformation.
The question is, will 2021 be the year of dramatic evolution or return to sleep?
I don’t know about you, but I am committed to staying awake in 2021.
The gift of the pandemic is that long standing inequities and systemic racism have been brought into the light in ways that no intelligent person can deny. And with that comes the opportunity to create a new normal.
I think we can all agree that returning to normal is not our goal.
Like pregnancy and birth, we have the opportunity to maximize transformation at this time. Old systems, structures, and belief systems are coming into question and finding their rightful place in a sort of societal hospice.
A place letting go, of transition.
This then becomes the fertile soil for the cultivation of a new consciousness. Of course, that is the silver lining in any death cycle—the opportunity to create anew.
At the heart of societal wellness lies maternal wellness.
As mothers, we are the living matrix for future generations. Babies, as they come into their very form, marinate in side of a sea of amniotic fluid that contains hormones and neurotransmitters that are the chemical form of our thoughts and feelings. With few exceptions, the primary relationship from which all other human relationships are modeled is based on our relationship with our mothers.
From this relationship we learn fear and alienation, or love and trust.
Therefore it is a given, a natural consequence, that our wellness matters.
Not only does it matter, it has far reaching consequences. If we tend to and fertilize the garden of maternal wellness, all of humanity is bettered.
This pivotal point where we find ourselves is THE TIME to shift out of the depletion and burnout caused by what I like to call the martyr and supermom archetypes for motherhood—that have us overgiving and overdoing, running constantly at a support deficit—to the MotherFly, which allows us to be imperfect and hold our own humanity with incredible compassion and kindness.
The MotherFly has learned to include herself in her circle of care and nourish her own dream and passions with the same love and attention that she gives to her own children. In doing so, she catalyzes her own growth as well as her children’s growth.
I believe this shift from martyr (chronic overgiving) and supermom (chronic overdoing) to MotherFly (sustainable, love-driven, favoring being over doing, love over achievement, and body over mind) has the power to radically transform our world and catalyze human potential.
As the shock absorbers for society, this year has been particularly challenging for mothers. Sometimes we need a good challenge to jolt us out of status quo and into a creative response.
So my my plea to you for 2021 is don’t fall back asleep!
Commit to making 2021 the year that you prioritize your own wellbeing and step out of depletion and burnout and into radiance!
Dare to rest.
Dare to lead.
Dare to be supported.
Dare to be imperfect without guilt or shame.
I am your biggest cheerleader.
I am here to midwife you, to hold you, and to support you in this Great Shift through transformational programs designed to replenish, uplift and lovingly push you towards your potentials (aka your wildest dreams).
So make be good to yourself. Rest and rejuvenate.
But do not fall asleep.
You are the model for your children, the leader of your family and the backbone of your community. Your radiance, your power, and your wellness have the power to ripple out and catalyze the evolution of humanity.
Absolutely no pressure to perform. But please invest your wellness because it matters more than you know.
I am standing with you and for you and I am here to support you. You cannot do this alone and you don’t have to. That’s part of the script that we are rewriting.
We are in the liminal space.
The word liminal comes from the Latin word ‘limen’, meaning threshold – any point or place of entering or beginning. A liminal space is the time between the ‘what was’ and what will be.
It is a place of transition, a season of waiting, and not knowing.
We are in the chrysalis. Our old caterpillar cells turning to mush —to ground zero—that they may form into the butterfly. Liminal space is where all transformation takes place, if we learn to wait and let it form us.
These spaces are incredible disruptive and terrifying.
But they are compost for the birth of genuine awareness, which is at the heart of all change. So be reassured that 2020 was not in vain, so long as we choose to align ourselves with an awareness that is reflective of our true human potential.
Commit yourself to a new normal in 2021.
As a mother you are a world leader. You are a change maker.
Nourishing yourself is a sacred act in service to humanity.
You cannot do this alone so allow yourself to receive the support you need.
As a midwife of birth and matrescence, my calling is to be a gatekeeper and ensure a safe passage into new realms.
Step into flight MotherFly my love, there is wind to carry you.